Insourcing vs. Outsourcing Self Love: Why External Validation Will Never Fully Quench Your Thirst
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This past weekend was historic for me. After ten years of podcasting, I hosted my first LIVE podcast gathering. More than ever, I find myself craving real connection. Podcasting has been deeply rewarding…and also isolating. I'm not a social media connector, but I am absolutely a small-group, around-the-table connector. (Introverts unite!) Those who attended live gave some incredible feedback. "This was mind-blowing!” "Such a beautiful way to see both sides." "This was exactly what I didn't know I needed." I'd love to invite you to listen and join in the experience yourself. And if you only have time for a small teaser, then here's my biggest takeaway moment: A few years ago, I was lying on the floor in a crumpled heap, crying my eyes out over a heartbreaking betrayal in a close relationship. In the depths of that pain, I was astonished at what I discovered. I realized that I wasn't just longing for this person; I was dependent on their love in order to feel okay about myself. Receiving their love was a source of survival for me. But now I was confronted with one of the most pivotal insights of my life: "I have to be able to give myself the love I'm craving." I felt the truth of this deeply in my soul. I couldn’t live the rest of my life fully dependent on someone else’s opinion, love, and actions towards me in order to be okay. I have to offer this love to myself… But how do I actually do that? Insourcing love isn't something most of us were ever taught. We're taught how to be liked. How to be chosen. How to maintain connection. But not how to sit with ourselves in pain and offer love from within. And yet… This is where the deepest resourcing is found. This doesn't mean we stop needing love from others. It’s just no longer our means of survival. Instead, outside love adds delight and meaning to our lives because we are already fully resourced from within. We can receive love — AND still remain steady if it doesn't come from outside in the way we hope. This looks like learning to ask ourselves: "What kind of love do I need right now… and can I offer even a small part of that to myself?" Practicing this — again and again — is how we insource love from within. This is the work. If you've ever noticed yourself:
…this conversation may open a door to a new way of being. The full episode is waiting for you — including a guided meditation at the end to help you integrate the experience for yourself. Insourcing love is core to my coaching work with clients. Regardless of what they come to me for, we always end up working on this. I’m excited to explore this life-changing approach in more depth together. [Listen on the Practicing Wholeness Podcast] I'd love to hear what resonates for you. Leave a comment on YouTube — I read every one. 🙂 You are loved. Namaste, brooke |