“How do I know if I’m doing the work?”
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“How do I know if I’m doing the work?” She had just had one of those weeks where she found herself back in a pattern she has been working to change for a long time. Can you relate? Maybe you are working on improving something, but those familiar reactions still sneak in, and suddenly you find yourself asking: “Have I actually made any progress at all?” So back to the golden question… How do I know if the work I’m doing is working? By “work,” I’m referring to inner work—the spiritual journey we all take in our lives toward growth and evolution. FIRST HALF OF LIFE In the first half of my life, the inner work was all about fixing myself. And I had very clear criteria for knowing if it was working: If it was working, I wouldn’t get triggered anymore. I had this unconscious belief that… If I just do enough work, I’ll arrive. And the problem? I never arrived. No matter how much I learned or practiced or tried to “do it right,” life kept bringing me back to the same human experiences. And every time it did I felt like a failure. SECOND HALF OF LIFE The second half of life approach is different. Second half of life is all about accepting instead of fixing. And how do I know if that inner work is working? Here’s the big key: I will know it’s working if…I am increasing in the love I have for myself, others, and life. Or to quote one of my favorite spiritual mentors, “Enlightenment is a series of softenings.” —Richard Rudd I’ll know the inner work is working when things start to soften. Triggers soften. → Notice I didn’t say that all the triggers vanish. But they do start to soften. Maybe I don’t get triggered at level 10, but now it’s only a 9. Then an 8. Yet, how many times have I expected myself to go from a ten to a zero and then judged myself for having any feelings or reactions at all? Triggers are a gold mine for growth and one of the best clues that a part of you is asking to be loved. If you want to explore this idea more, check out: Never let a trigger go to waste. I still get triggered. But what has changed for me is what happens after. AFTER CARE I often remind my clients that we’re not focusing on eliminating triggers. How do you respond to your reaction? Read that again. How do you respond to your reaction? How do you treat yourself after you’ve lost your temper... After all of that… how do you respond? Do you turn on yourself and start judging, fixing, analyzing? Or... Do you come back to yourself with compassion? Because if you don’t change this part… You can do years of inner work and still feel like you’re failing and something is wrong with you. But when you shift how you respond to the reaction… This is where the deepest work unfolds into lasting transformation and you begin to know on a nervous system level that: No matter what happens, I won’t abandon myself. And from here? Soooooooo much softening. This is how you know the work is working. Not because all your triggers and reactions magically went away. You’re becoming more loving towards yourself, others, and life. Even–and perhaps, especially– if what is happening is not your preference. Hard things still happen. That’s life. But lasting inner work is the practice of teaching both your body and your mind that you are okay and loved no matter what. This kind of softening changes everything. And if you’re noticing this in yourself—where you see your own pattern, but still find yourself stuck inside the same reactions—this is exactly the kind of work I guide people through. Here’s to doing the inner work that really works: Love and acceptance. Delightfully, brooke P.S. If you’re seeing yourself in this pattern, you don’t have to keep navigating it on your own. I have two complimentary clarity calls available this month where we can look at what’s coming up for you and gently shift how you’re relating to it. If that feels aligned, you can book one here. If you’d like to go a little deeper: → Begin here: Free Meditation → Continue your practice: Meditation Library ($222) → Get support: Book a Clarity Call If you have any questions, just reply and ask! |